Sarah Walker

Get American Idol Tour Tickets

We open with  a shot of Howie Mandel in the audience and swing to Seacrest informing us This. Is…..  yeah, the show we tuned into, we know.  Seacrest goes on to reveal that 51 million votes were cast after last night’s show and that the top three were within one million votes of each other.

Seacrest then quizzes Randy about his comments to Syesha that seemingly made her cry.  Randy says he stands by his critique but adds that Syesha told him later that he didn’t make her cry, but that she teared up because she was so in tune with her feelings.  Of course she was; she was singing about herself. Seacrest then addresses the fact that Simon seemed angry last night.  Simon denies that he was angry; he was however surprised at some of the “disastrous” song choices.

The always hideous Group Sing is next, but is mercifully short.  Reeling in the Years?  Talk about inappropriate song choice - these kids don’t have any years to reel in.  David A’s dreadful seagull outfit is gone, but Syesha’s earrings and David C’s rockin’ curl toe boots have made a reappearance.  And Syesha has prepared herself for possible elimination by donning Kristy Lee Cook’s sequined top, evidently left behind when she returned to Horse World. 

We are then treated to a recap of last night’s performances with a cut in of Jason, evidently taped immediately after the show, declaring that he was so confused, he didn’t know what happened.  We got that.

Here we go with results and  Little David is brought out first.  He says he is glad he was able to sing the songs he chose because he really connected with them.  In response to Seacrest’s lame question, David affirms that he would, indeed, like to be the next American Idol.  Seacrest then asks ”what was your game plan with those two choices?”  David wanted to have fun with Stand By Me (but not as much fun as singing to your dog, I bet!) and wanted to connect with Love Me Tender.  So much connecting tonight you’d think this was The Bachelor.  Little David is then sent to the Big Comfy Couch, all’s right with the world, and we’re going to Salt Lake City next week. 

Seacrest then sets up clips of last year’s hometown visits which last for like two seconds before the next AI Season Seven gaffe cuts back to the three remaining contestants back stage.  Hurry - cut to commercial.

Now our Idols are on a plane - a private plane ‘with a bedroom.’  Jason loves this - ”whooo - sleeping in the sky.”  They are traveling to some type of Beatles Live show, where upon their arrival Beatle mania turns to Idol mania.  Apparently an aquarium is nearby, because here are the Idols petting a dolphin.  Jason tries to kiss the dolphin on the back; or maybe he’s licking it.  Dude, it’s not a frog.  Anyway, the dolphin is having none of it.   Syesha declares that she loves animals - AND dolphins.  Wow, both! 

Next it’s a ‘Red Carpet Makeover’ for the kids.  Cookster says it’s his first manicure.  Really!  You grew up in Blue Springs, Missouri and you’ve never had a manicure?  We’re shocked.  Next we see our friends watching the Beatles Live theater production.  Folks in strange costumes flying all over the place in very animated fashion.  Jason’s face was priceless.  It must have been like being stoned, for free.  Afterwards David Cook declares this was “the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”  I really can’t wait to get a look at Blue Springs next week.

More results.  David Cook is brought out and looks genuinely concerned.  Guess he’s up on his AI Final Four Week history.  Seacrest luridly refers to Paula’s appetite for more David Cook.  Simon leans in, obviously ready to jump in and shut Paula up immediately if necessary.  Nigel has him well trained.  Randy advises the Cookster to keep being himself, stay original and rock it out.  David admits to having felt a little off since he woke up yesterday, saying his head was in the wrong place.  Serious props to David for never using his brother’s illness - which has to be taking a heavy toll on him - as an excuse at any time during the season.  Off he goes to the well deserved Comfy Couch.

Seacrest then brings Syesha and Jason out and dramatically commences to pretend he’s about to deliver the results, accompanied by the dramatic results music.  Delightfully, Jason trips him up mid-drama and says something to the effect of ‘what, you’re going to tell us now?’ forcing Seacrest into backpedal mode.  Uh, cut the dramatic results music, guys.  Great Moments in Live TV!

The Ford commercial is especially creepy and disturbing this week with the four idols dressed in shiny, skin tight matador garb.  Who thinks this stuff up?  Check out the replay - the look on Syesha’s face would scare any bull the hell out of the ring. 

Time again for the Worst Idea in American Idol History - the phone in questions.  Some chick in Pittsburgh asks David Cook out on a date because the Idol Tour will be in her hometown on her birthday.  David, clearly extremely uncomfortable, uhhhhs his way into Well, uh, what would we do?  She would show him around Pittsburgh, of course!  Talk about an offer you can’t refuse.

 The only other question worth commenting on went to “Anyone - what is the biggest challenge you’ve had to overcome on American Idol?”  Syesha pipes up with “stagefright” - yeah right.  Jason chimes in with “the brain being dead.”  Yeah, he said it.  It’s all part of the territory, baby.

Maroon 5 Performs If I Never See Your Face Again.   After the song comes the obligatory Seacrest chat and album plug, and the advice to the final four that they really aren’t interested in hearing.

Next, Bo Bice performs Witness (did anyone else think the intro sounded almost identical to the intro to Jeff Buckley’s Last Goodbye?)  Bo shows ‘em how it’s done, exuding more stage presence than we have seen from all the idols in this season and last season combined.  Personally I could have done without the Vo Co, but Bo just rocked it all over the place.  In the post-performance Seacrest chat, Bo said that although he liked the inclusion of instruments this season, he felt that some of the contestants may have played ‘behind’ them too much.  His advice to the final four?  Practice, practice, practice.  Jason, are you awake?

It’s finally time for the results with Jason and Syesha.  As Seacrest runs through the horrific commentary the judge’s had for Jason last night, he laughs and seems to be genuinely enjoying himself.  He finds Seacrest’s reference to his rendition of “most of” Tambourine Man especially humorous.  Syesha, meanwhile, has her model-actress smile pasted firmly on her face.  She, too, has done her AI history homework. Seacrest reminds Jason that “Simon said pack your bags.”  “I did,” Jason cheerily replies.  He then shares with us that someone told him ”you shot the tambourine man last night….I thought that was funny.  Heh.”   Seacrest asks Jason what he thinks happened.  Jason replies that his inexperience was showing. 

Seacrest runs through Syesha’s comments from the judges and no one cares.  Syesha then explains her tears, so moved was she by her song to herself.  Again, no one cares.

Cue the dramatic results music and dim the lights.  Jason looks like a kid on Christmas.  Or a stoner at Boulder Fest.  Seacrest, fooling no one, attempts to scare Syesha.  If anything his attempt may have scared Jason.  But with the announcement that Sy is safe,  Jason is launched into nirvana, even clapping at the news. 

Jason’s Celebration Home tape is pretty amusing, and it becomes very evident he was much happier and more comfortable in the early part of his AI experience.  As the tape ends, the always astute Seacrest comments that Jason looks relieved, to which our lyric losing day dreamer replies “Yeah, there’s three songs next week!  I don’t know what I would have done!”  He then launches into his swan song, the Marley tribute from last night, becoming particularly animated at the lyric about going home and tossing the dreads around like he wasn’t even concerned about the possibility of losing a few.